Archive for hilarious raps

57. ‘Dirrty’ by Christina Aguilera (2002)

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , on July 11, 2010 by G.K. Reid

How fortuitous that I’ve just been banging on about the wonderful nonsense that is pop music, only to find that next on my list is this, arguably the most brazenly ludicrous pop event of the decade.  As the above picture succinctly demonstrates, ‘Dirrty’ is a towering specimen of camp self-affirmation, and a no-holds-barred assault on public taste and decency that John Waters would be proud of (oh, if only Xtina weighed 300lbs!)

Aguilera’s claims to independence and self-possession here can easily be dismissed as cliched, but they’re far from disingenuous – ‘Dirrty’ has a real violence of intent and tangible fury embedded within it, strongly evoked by the almost cacophanous force of the production.  That Aguilera figured a noisy embrace of (and insistence upon) sexuality as the key to liberating her from the deathgrip of the Disney Club was arguably as dubious and depressing as it was wholly successful; ‘Dirrty’ provides one hell of a text for feminist debate to pour over.  In response to any criticism, however, I suppose Aguilera can always say: ‘well, that wasn’t me with the shaved head and the umbrella and the parasitical husband and the baby driving the car. I’m just sayin”.

Bonus points: Redman is a strong contender for the ‘Best Guest Rap of the Decade’ award. So many choice lines, but my favourite will probably forever remain: ‘I keep my car lookin’ like a crash dummy drove’‘waiting for Sister to Act, like Lauryn Hill’. ‘We blessed, and hung low, like Bernie Mac (b’nnie mck!)

76. ‘The Way I Are’ by Timbaland feat. Keri Hilson, D.O.E. & Sebastian (2007)

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , on January 12, 2010 by G.K. Reid

He ain’t got no Visa, love, I wouldn’t bother.

Timbaland is quite clearly the best thing to happen to music since Elvis. Ok, maybe not, but there’s no arguing with his achievements, and it was good to see him step out of the shadows last decade (not least because he has a lovely face and can’t go 10 seconds without doing that hilarious bug-eyes thing). Of course, he does himself no favours by apparently working with anyone who asks him. Maybe he has self-esteem issues, I dunno. But whatever it is… JUST SAY NO, TIMBO! Say no to Ashlee Simpson, say no to Duran Duran, say no to Chris Cornell!

Anyway, despite this song giving Keri Hilson a platform for a career (her vocals on this are fine, but she really should have known her limits), this is Timbo bringing his best propulsive beats, a rather touching advocation of love-over-money, and two flat-out hilarious raps by those two guys I’ve never heard of.

Bonus points: Thing is, Timbo HAS money. Need I remind you, he gets half a mil’ for his beats. You only get a couple gra-a-and.


78. ‘Wearing My Rolex’ by Wiley (2008)

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , on January 12, 2010 by G.K. Reid

 Give him back his watch!!

Verbalising why this song is so good seems like rather a redundant exercise. Just listen to it, and have a drink, a dance and a bubble.

Bonus points: The video is either a work of subversive genius or kinda misogynistic. I choose the former.